First appointment with Onchologist today.
For the first time this is hitting home, I still thought in the back of my mind it was a mistake or a dream I hadn't yet woken from.
Today...it became real.
How did the tumour get so big? (11cms) Why didn't anyone see it? Why didn't anyone take me seriousl? It's now too late. Sorry but 'i'm sorry' doesn't cut it. Everyone elses life will go on, mine won't.
I am angry. I am frightened. I am not ready to die.
I still have to wait to start treatment. There is an option of a new treatment which is tablets but only if some test that has been already sent come back poistive, or I can have chemo. The tablets option has better results. I'm going for that if I can. I need pre assesment but that can't be done until 19th, tablet treament can be started straight away after but chemo can't start until 27th (something to do with department being short staffed!!!!!!!) This is my life we are talking about.
I said I didn't want to know anything else......How do I accept it? I can't. I don't know what to do. How dare all those people stand outside main reception at the hospital smoking?????? I couldn't help but breath it, how dare they???????
I feel safe here at home with Paul.
I applogise if there are any spelling mistakes, I'll blame the drugs lol
ReplyDeleteWe are all here for you Lyn....X
ReplyDeleteYes I agree with Sue 100%, xxxx to you and Paul
ReplyDeleteHow could anyone notice bloody spelling mistakes? This is so real and your message so poignant. We are all so angry because we love you. However, anger brings with it stress and the negative side of that doesnt do you any good, how can we encourage positive well being? Honestly, I dont really know in such a dire situation. Hope is all we have and that hope will make you live each day to the full. You will not allow it to get you down and you will try and continue as best you can as if its not there. I lost faith a long time ago, but I think that there is something out there that is telling us that there is so much more to life, if only we could tap into it. You will need to refocus my lovely and really believe in yourself. If you have ever experienced deja vu then that is what I am talking about. We will carry you through this if we have to, but only to ensure you will stand strong when it is defeated. xx
ReplyDeleteAlyson.......that was amazing what you wrote for Lyn, I felt anger too after reading Lyn's blog of how unfair everything is now I understand why, you are spot on with everything you have said and yes we need to encourage the positive definately, so come on Lyn fight this cos we gotta party to go to as soon as you are feeling up to it babe xxxx
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