2 years 2 months on can you believe it, I can't.
...and is it really 3 months since my last post....I wish time would slow down.
My roller coaster journey is moving forward, literally. I feel I'm at least half way (may be more) up the big incline, I can't get off, sooner than later I will be at the top then.......I don't want to think about that.
My tumour has been growing for months now, we've know about it since November but it started sometime in the 6 months before that. It's been a bit of watch and wait but now I'm becoming symptomatic, coughing, wheezing and my breathing is making some weird noises!
I still don't feel too bad, not lost weight (which is a good thing - please tell that to the things in my wardrobe that are still too small lol) apart from my chest does feel tighter as the day go's on. So the time has come to switch to the dreaded IV chemo.
I have now changed my oncologist (and hospital) only because it will be easier for me to access new unlicensed drugs and drug trials when all other options have gone.
How do I feel about it? It's strange really as I don't want it at all but I don't really have a choice if I want to live..... and I do want to live. I can't imagine saying 'no more, enough is enough' although I'm told that may happen. I can't think of anything that would make me not want to not live.
I have had a relatively 'normal' life since this diagnosis although I suppose it's not 'normal' to anyone who hasn't got this. Monthly hospital appointments. scans that you always worry will show something, plus the side effects of the drugs (although they were nothing I couldn't handle) I mean 'normal' to the extent of it not stopping do most of the things I want to do. I've thrown myself into raising awareness and fund raising for Roy Castle (the only dedicated Lung Cancer charity) and also had the time to do my hobbies (although not all of them as there really isn't enough time in the day), done a bit of travelling and I've love every minute of all of it...I don't want it to change but it's going to :(
