Saturday, 24 August 2013

This is so damned hard...

I think everything has been getting to me lately.

It's been 2 weeks and 3 days since my last chemo and I still haven't recovered...an I'm doing it all again on Thursday. I still can't taste anything properly -apart from some chocolate- and that doesn't last long before I have this horrible taste in my mouth again.

I am suffering many of the side effects from the steroids, my face is becoming round like the typical 'moon' face, my eyes look so sunken with dark circles, I just don't look like me anymore :( I feel depressed when ever I look in the mirror. My patience had been wearing thin, although I still think I am justified being pee'd off with some things/people. Plus I am gaining weight like no body's business, oh whoa is me.

I feel totally lethargic with no energy to get off the sofa, I have been out today to town with Paul for coffee but with in an hour of pottering around town I had had enough, it's just too much effort.

I am ok doing things on the internet as I can pick it up and put it down at my leisure and to those reading I probably seem perfectly normal, no one can see how much I am suffering from reading text.

I hope I get a bit of a break after the next and last big/strong chemo cycle or I think I will be getting on the plane for my hols in a wheelchair as I doubt if I will have the energy to get on any other way.

I just want a bit of normality......

3 comments:

  1. Hi Lyn, I just wanted to say I am thinking about you. I hope things start to look up and you feel a bit more of your old self again soon. Lots of love xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh lyn, you need a huge break. normality? do you really want normality? it is so boring, what you need is to focus. you have loads of people who think about you for no particular reason you come into my mind. example number 1, i put the kettle on and reached for the teapot (oooh) teacosy, i think of you. example number 2, i had a big cough and felt wheezie, i thought of the last time we spoke and you became wheezie. example number 3, i had a pizz and can picture that giant one you had on your knee when you went to the state. now lyn, you have embedded yourself into many lives and hearts, take a little bit of my strength and keep going hun. if you are gaining weight that is just more of you we get to care for, if you need a wheelchair to get on the plane, hey ho saves walking and you skip the boarding queue. you have dark circles under your eyes, good excuse for some new sunglasses.
    Now what else? oh yes you need a beth cuddly giggle
    xx

    ReplyDelete