It's not always how it looks!

Halfway through second week now of second chemo and I have to say it has been easier this time. That is 'easier' NOT easy!

I have felt all 'out of sorts' frequently just not knowing how to settle and many of the problems encountered last time have kind of been 'dealt' with although any remedy does the bring another problem of it's own that also needs a remedy! Constipation and cystitis being 2 of them. Painful on both counts especially as I now am in need of haemorrhoid cream....ouch!

I haven't been out of the house now for 11 days but it got me thinking about things......It's not always how it looks!

I have had 2 years gadding about (Thanks to Iressa) looking, acting, feeling relatively 'normal'! However 'normal' couldn't have been further from the truth!

There is no getting away from the fact I am 'terminally ill' to coin a phrase and not a phrase I like to use. I don't get the 'sympathy' (not that I want sympathy, I have never wanted that) that other cancer sufferers do that may have lost their hair ( Lost their hair but ARE CURABLE!) I get.....when are you going back to work? Or why haven't you gone back to work?

Well here is the thing........ I  (like many) am living with a ticking time bomb! It could go off at any time! I don't have any chance of a cure! I live between scans and x rays and how I feel each day when I wake up!

I would love to 'lose my hair' BUT be cured! I don't have that luxury! 

The recent advances in lung cancer treatment mean that people like me can live what little time we have left without suffering lot's of the really side effects of chemo (although my time has come to sample a bit of that too). It doesn't mean we are OK, it is far from from it. It means that we are being given a bit of a chance to do the things we always wanted to do and cram as much is as possible. Things in general people take for granted....the whole...'One day I will do that.....' We don't have that 'one day i'll.... luxury'.

So next time you see me 'out and about' looking 'well' spare a thought of what is really going on....It isn't always how it looks!